Darling Pieces: Update (picture heavy)

Just as I expected- I forgot to keep this updated. I think about Jaxson and his condition every waking hour (and every sleeping one, too). How could I manage to forget to write about what he has gone through, and what he is about to go through?

Jaxson had his heart catheter surgery on February 6th. What a rough experience. It was very hard having to keep him from eating. He screamed the whole way to the hospital. We played in the kids waiting room for a couple hours, waiting for the time for me to hand him over.

Then he finally fell asleep an hour before it was time.

They led us down a long hall full of surgery rooms. We get to his room and there was about 15 people in there, all for Jaxson. Just as quick as we walked in, they told me to lay him down and I instantly felt like I hadn't told him I love him enough. I started crying that instant and hugged him so hard he probably almost broke in half. I kissed his trusting face and trusting eyes and begged him to please wake up and be okay when it was all over. [pause to gain my composure. Remembering and reliving is hard on me]. As I laid him down they had the mask ready for him to sleep. The anesthesiologist asked me if I wanted to give him one more kiss and as I did, I smelled the sleepy stuff coming out of the mask they held above his head. Begged him one more time to be okay and asked the Lord to take care of him. I watched him scream under the mask

and stare at me like he couldn't believe I just put him down on that table. He fell asleep within 30 seconds. We kissed his forehead and were ushered out to the waiting room to wait the 2-3 hours it would take. I curled up with his teddy bear and blanket and shut down.

We went right across the street to Denny's and got some food to try and waste time. We got back and about 20 minutes later Jaxson's cardiologist came out and said everything went fine and he is okay. They saw what they needed to see and determined he needs open heart surgery to remove the muscles that have formed in the hole, and then close it up. I let that bad news go and just wanted to see him. Even though I couldn't hold him for 8 hours.

We went to see him in the recovery room. I instantly lost it. He looked so bad, like he was sick, even though he wants the least bit sick. He looked like he was gasping for air. I asked why he can't breathe and they assured me that it was because he was actually crying, but he was too weak from the anesthesia to actually cry. They said they couldn't believe it, that he should still be sleeping! My little fighter. They let me give him some pedialyte to help calm him down. He was so hungry and thirsty.

There's his little leg cast. We waited for 2 hours for them to release him from recovery and go to his room. We were staying over night, Brian went home to take care of Jayden and Cale. I had to wait 6 more hours until I could hold him. So he played with his cords and things...